Between Thoughts -Intellectual Musings

On losing well, banter, and the emotional complexity of being a football fan

Arsenal lost the Champions League final through the penalty lottery.

The Archangel Gabriel launched the ball somewhere between heaven and heartbreak, and the earthly prize slipped through our fingers. Jesus who walks on water and turns water to wine,  did not even play.

Perhaps a CL heavenly reward is coming for Arsenal fans. One can only hope.

Gunner for life.

The strange thing is that only a week ago, Arsenal won the league. That felt glorious. Sweet. Redemptive. For months, I promised myself that if Arsenal finally won, I would allow myself to experience JOY,  fully and unapologetically.
And I did.

I flooded timelines, WhatsApp groups, and unsuspecting friends with Arsenal content. Excessively.

For that, I apologise.
But perhaps not entirely.
            
JOY  Is Something Men Do Not Do Well
Many of us know how to work.
We know how to worry.
We know how to endure.
But pure, uncomplicated JOY?
Many of us struggle with it.
For years, I postponed JOY  until the next achievement, the next promotion, the next breakthrough, the next trophy. This time I made a promise to my younger self:

When JOY  arrives, do not rush it away.
Sit with it.
Celebrate it.
Dance with it.

So I did.
And now, only days later, I find myself sitting with Sadness.

I do not particularly like him.
Joy is a much better guest. Sadness arrives uninvited. He eats your snacks, changes the music, and reminds you of what might have been.

I miss Joy.

But perhaps growing up means learning that Joy and Sadness are not enemies.

Perhaps they are siblings. Perhaps they often travel together.

I am JoyfullySad. Or perhaps SadlyJoyful. I have not yet decided.

The Khensi Principle
Now let me introduce another character in this story.
Khensi. Those who know me from Unilever,  know exactly who Khensi is.
During the final, she made a promise. If Arsenal lost, she would record a short video saying:

“You have never won in Europe. Ever. Never.“
No team name. No context.
Everybody would know exactly who she meant.

Then fate, with its wicked sense of humour, seated us at the same birthday celebration, our  dear friend Jolene’s 50th birthday. Happy birthday, Jolene. May your next chapter be even more extraordinary than the first. You are one of the most creative entrepreneurs I know. South Africa’s influencer economy was built by pioneers like you.

At some point during the evening, Khensi could no longer contain herself. She leaned over. Whispered loudly into my ear.
“You never won in Europe.”
Not Unjani Masito. Nor Hardy – Kuzolunga!.  Not how are you with a smile.  Straight to violence. Football verbal violence.

The funny thing is she once admitted that she loved Thierry Henry and that Arsenal was once her second-favourite team. Football loyalty, however, is a mysterious thing. Former admirers often become the most committed trolls.

The Tax You Pay for Relevance
Football banter teaches an important lesson.
Nobody creates entire jokes, videos, memes, and celebrations around teams that do not matter.
Banter is the tax you pay for relevance. Nobody laughs at clubs that never arrive. My friend,  Darryl Bassa, a loyal  Spurs supporter barely survived relegation and his JOY was more Relief than pure JOY.

Nobody mocks teams that never threaten. To be mocked for losing a Champions League final, you first have to be good enough to reach one.
That does not remove the pain. But it does provide perspective.

Being a Good Loser vs. A Bad Loser
The older I get, the more I realise that winning reveals character. But losing reveals even more.
Anyone can be gracious when lifting trophies. The true examination comes when the trophy is being lifted by somebody else.

The Good Loser
Acknowledges the victor. Congratulates PSG and recognises their deep African footballing roots.

The Bad Loser. Reacting to the Opponent
Diminishes the victory. Calls the opponent lucky or discredits their journey to the final. The truth –  PSG plays offensive  football.  Arsenal best form of offense is ultra defensive strategy.  The  “parking the bus” defensive  tactic won us the league – even though we nearly lost it again. Arsenal FC, shattered the  UCL records by finishing with under 25% possession and putting every man behind the ball. Though it ultimately ended in a penalty shootout heartbreak, and we lost, and if it worked, it would have stood  out as a stark modern example of defensive final strategy.

Handling Banter
Absorbs the hits with grace. Accepts that when you lose, it is their turn to speak.
Reacts with toxic hostility. Turns sporting banter into personal insults out of fragile pride.

Perspective on Defeat
Views penalties as a lottery,  fine margins, not a total failure of the team or the season.
Demands a complete rebuild. Treats one shootout loss as proof the entire project has failed.

Emotional Processing
Sits with JoyfulSadness. Holds the league title and the European grief in the same heart.
Total emotional blackout. Lets one European night poison the memory of an entire championship season.

Being Spicy
Congratulations to PSG  and to Africa
Congratulations to PSG. A magnificent team.
And as an African, I cannot ignore the remarkable contribution of African footballers to French football and to PSG’s success. Yes, there is a little spice in that congratulations.

But it is sincere. Football is a global game built by local dreams. Many of those dreams begin on African soil. Agrica not only the crafme of human kind, but also the vrae of culture and rhythm.

JoyfulSadness
Psychologists speak about emotional complexity, the ability to hold multiple emotions simultaneously. Children often experience emotions in isolation. Adults learn that life is rarely that neat.

You can be grateful and disappointed. Znervpus and Excited – Nervously Excited. Proud and Heartbroken. Victorious and Grieving. Joyful and sad.

At the same time.
That is where I find myself today.

Arsenal are Premier League champions.
Arsenal are Champions League runners-up.

Both statements are true. Neither cancels the other. The league trophy remains beautiful. The European loss still hurts. The joy is real. The sadness is real. The memories are real.

And perhaps that is what sport teaches us at its best,  not merely how to win, not merely how to lose, but how to hold contradictory truths in the same heart.

Being a good loser does not mean feeling less pain. It means carrying the pain without surrendering your dignity.

So let the Khensis of the world have their moment. Let them remind us that Arsenal have never conquered Europe. Their laughter is part of the game.

Today belongs to PSG.
The league belongs to Arsenal.

The sadness belongs to me. The joy belongs to me too.

And I intend to keep both.

Gunner for Life.

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Dr. Mzamo Masito
Between Thoughts – Intellectual Musings

Where the uncomfortable questions get a seat at the table..